I Miss Joan

February 29, 2016 By Leave a Comment

Joan Rivers was many things: an icon, a comedic tour d’force and she knew fashion.  Comedy is subjective, so if you didn’t care for her comedic stylings, I understand. But you can still admire the women.

Among the many things most people don’t know about me, my first college degree was in business, with a strong emphasis in Fashion Merchandising. I even worked as a buyer in Downtown LA briefly.  I have known who Anna Wintour is since I was 15 years old. And maybe wanted to be her at 18.  And I didn’t need to see The Devil Wears Prada to know how cutthroat the fashion industry can be.  I walked away from working in fashion at 22. I still love beautiful clothes and of course beautiful shoes. And I have been known to anxiously await the arrival of the September Vogue. It’s the most important issue all year in the fashion industry- followed by March.

As a fan of fashion and comedy I loved Joan’s knowledge of fashion and the wit she brought to the color commentary of award shows. She was not the best at interviews or knowing the younger/ up and coming stars, but her take on how they looked was spot on. I know many of you hipster types don’t want to know this but fashion has rules. And yes rules are meant to be broken, but first you need to know them to break them, like all art forms. Cher comes for mind as an excellent example.

With the passing of Joan the award show attendees have gotten sloppy. They don’t have to fear the wrath of Joan. So maybe the have passed on professional advice from designers and stylists who know how to dress people to make them look amazing in person and on TV. Two very different settings to consider when picking an outfit for an international telecast.  (FYI Heidi Klum is going to take some heat for that dress)

At the Golden Globe this year I really noticed the down ward trend in fashion accountability. It’s a formal event, hire someone who knows how to make you look like the star you are or want to be. Don’t think you can do this alone, that will be your first mistake.

I would love to be the New Fashion Police.  (Hint Hint anyone at E) I have the degree and comedy experience. I would never infer that I could replace Joan, but Laura Hayden has some fashion chops of your own to unleash on the celebrity world.

When (not if) I attend the Oscars, Tony’s. Grammy’s, Golden Globes I will assure you I will be wearing fabulous shoes! Tonight it’s these sparkers to an Oscar party.

RIP Joan

Laura

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Power Shoes

February 21, 2016 By Leave a Comment

According to a recent study ladies, the higher your heels are, the more power you have over men.  This means I should be very powerful. (Friendly smirk)

This reminds me of a patient I once treated. She was a very tall, thin women and very mousy. She was a lawyer and not a behind the scenes research type attorney. She represented hard-core dead row murderers. This woman’s whole appearance and personality looked more like she belonged in a library not a maximum-security penitentiary. But this is where she would go to consult with her clients.

I asked, after I got to know her a bit, based on her very quiet unassuming personality how she gathered the courage to face potentially very hostile situations in both the courtroom and in prisons.  She told me should would but on her very tall designer shoes, she called it “packing her penis” and walk into the courtroom and put on the ‘show’.  “I’m another person when I put on my big girl shoes.” Amazing! Of course in heels she was likely 6’ 5” the height alone would garner some power.

I can’t tell you how much I loved her phasing and honesty; I still am amused by her story.

Ironically, I understand this. I am pathological shy- oh I know—I know how can a comedian – speaker very public platform persona be introverted, well it is more common than you think.
When I first started doing comedy I was terrified, but I wanted to do it anyhow (because there is something inherently wrong with me;).

When I started performing I would dress to the nines, I may be terrified but my clothes had it going on! I still dress up, but not like I did when I first started, and the only thing that really stuck was the shoes. I always wear fancy shoes. My philosophy is that if you don’t like the jokes you can always look at the shoes. But I must stay I understand the power of big girl shoes. I put them on and I do feel more powerful. Are women more powerful in high heeled shoes? Is it the actual heel that increased the power shift or our attitude changes when we put them on? This might be the next research study. I know for me, the power is in the shoe. Michael Jordan was right- it’s the shoes.

Laura 

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Some Things are Just Wrong

February 15, 2016 By Leave a Comment

Okay a lot of things in the world are wrong. Wrong has a perspective scale as well, from just plain silly (example, boot sandals) to a crimes again humanity.

Here is a quick list in no particular order. It’s subjective and based on only my opinion. I’m a huge fan of silly and find moral crimes abhorrent. So I might actually purchase #9, but will always find fault with human trafficking. But this is a blog about shoes lets not get too heavy.

  1. Boot Sandals
  2. Kardashians
  3. Beauty Pageant for toddlers
  4. Boob jobs for teenagers
  5. Real Housewives of anywhere
  6. Donald Trump
  7. The spelling of pneumonia
  8. Diet cookies
  9. Bacon toothpaste

10. Crocs (don’t hate, it’s a moral decision for me a shoe lover)

Feel free to add to the list- wrong is everywhere.

Happy wronging to you ;o)

Laura

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Zombie Apocalypse

February 8, 2016 By Leave a Comment

I honestly don’t know when zombie apocalypses went for horror movie premise to a possible reality based catastrophe. People appear to preparing for the pending doom like earthquakes, tsunamis and fires.

Maybe its because we see zombies daily, walking the streets with that glazed look, faces lit with an unhealthy glow from their phone. Stumbling into people on the sidewalk and walking into traffic almost getting run over, while their fingers twitch spasmodically in front of them. This small electronic device has become BFF to many and turned vast numbers of people into the living dead. Look up- Damn it! Life is happening and you missed it!  Free yourselves from this electronic slavery. Make yourself in charge not your phone. Okay soapbox over.

But really zombie chatter seems to be everywhere. So I dug a little deeper and WOW there are tons of articles, reports and even dissertations on the current zombie obsession. Clemson University professor Sarah Lauro states, the phenomenon isn’t a random fad, but part of a historical trend that mirrors a level of cultural dissatisfaction and economic upheaval.  So that’s sociology.

What about the hard sciences?

Well according to some scientist types a zombie apocalypse is sort of possible—and this is sort of scary.

So here are known ways humans can take on zombie like behaviors minus the cell phone.

First, brain parasites aka toxopasmosa gondi which if infected can change your personality into batshit insane. Yes, that is a medical term.

Second human zombie transformation can happen via neurotoxins which are poisons that slow your bodily functions to the point that you’ll be considered dead, even to a doctor. Okay, maybe not a very good doctor. The poison from fugu, like in Japanese blowfish can do this. The victims can then be brought back under the effects of a drug but leaves them in a trance-like state with no memory and only able to perform simple tasks like eating, sleeping, moaning and shambling around with their arms outstretched. Okay I added that last part.  Scary part–this has happened in Haiti. Haiti is where the word zombie originated. There are books about it. Really.

Up third on how to become a zombie is the rage virus aka Mad Cow in humans also know as Creutzfeldt-jakob disease. Symptoms include changes in gait, (medical speak for walking) hallucinations, lack of coordination, muscle twitching and rapidly onset of delirium and dementia. Yup, that sounds like a zombie to me.

Next up we have neurogenesis, which is stem cell studies using dead brain cells. Yup, is some Frankenstein stuff or if you prefer reanimation research.  And it’s closer than you think. It could be a super awesome break through for science or a scary zombie work force, better start looking up from our cell phones and pay attention to the world we live in.

And lastly nanobots a technology that produces microscopic, self-replicating robots that can invisibly build or destroy—anything! Ant Man was not that far off. They are working on using nanobots to travel into the human body to repair damaged areas even in your brain. This screams zombie human race coming in the future. This is the first shoe blog I’ve presented that I thought I should have a reference section at the end.

What really started my research about zombies was I invited to a zombie walk. And of course I wanted to make sure I arrived in the correct zombie attire. If you don’t know what a zombie walk is, its flash mob zombie style aka mass gathering of people who, dressed in the clothes and makeup of the undead, stagger about and dance. The zombie mob originated in 2003 in Toronto and has been documented in 20 countries.

All I wanted to know was what was fashionable zombie walk attire. Because I might be the undead- but I still want to be among the hot undead.

In another study done recently, people freaked out, again a medical term, if asked to spend the night in a graveyard, even if offered a gun for protection. Why? Because on some instinctual level, all humans know it’s just a matter of time until the zombies show up.

Thank goodness I’ll have the correct shoes for the Apocalypse.

Laura

 

 

 

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