God will send me a red dress and I’ll dance on your grave in high heels.

I love this saying. So much anger and humor. And much to learn.

First lesson, don’t piss off a woman. She will aim for your death, mock your passing and then look for new beau while you are still warm in the ground. That’s a lot of wrath. You think this is an exaggeration? Ask any scorned woman—this is actually mild for many.

Second lesson, what is appropriate attire for a funeral? Traditionally black or dark colors, I hope we all know that. Out of respect for the passing of a loved one, it is not the time to bust out your sequin party dress. Aim for over conservative.

However, what if the funeral is for a very eccentric type? Recently, a very prominent woman in the Broadway theater community passed. Her loss was devastating to many. But her personal proclivity was for nudity. In honor of her, many attended the funeral au natural or discarded clothing as there arrived. I respect their courage and their personal homage to this great lady, but still not sure if this was the time and place for such a statement. I understand the choice and why, but still not sure it was fitting. Instead of thinking about the lady we came to pay respects to, I was concentrating on the naked person delivering a eulogy.

Anyhow, it made me think, I’m not planning on dying, but something tells me it might happen some day. I’m just letting all of  you know right now at my funeral I want everyone to wear the most fabulous shoes they own, please tell your best joke and bring boxes and boxes of chocolate. I want my casket to be covered in chocolate, not dirt and please eat your favorites first. I won’t care is you send me packing into the earth with the flavors no one likes, usually coconut or gross candied fruit. And I’m not a prude, but keep your clothes on, unless you are Chris Hemsworth. And in that case please don’t wait until I’m dead to be naked in front of me.

Live life to the fullest – no one gets out alive.

Laura

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