I Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates….

January 31, 2016 By Leave a Comment

Can you hear yourself singing this old pop ditty? … This sweet little song about a young girl who gets a brand new pair of skates was written by the songwriter Melanie in 15 minutes and was intended it to be a lighthearted tune to perform in between her more intense material. However it proved to be her most successful song. And it also turns out to be about sex, of course. Here are the lyrics.

“I got a brand new pair of roller skates

You got a brand new key

I think that we should get together and try them out, you see

And don’t go too fast, but I go pretty far and for somebody who don’t drive I’ve been all around the world

And I’m okay alone, but you’ve got something I need.”

Ok… enough said about that. Keeping it family friendly.

Roller-skates made their first dubious appearance in 1760. A young Belgian musician (its always the Belgians!) rolled into a London party while playing the violin. It was not a successful entrance as the violinist crashed into a mirror causing nearly a thousand dollars worth of damage, but what a great story.

I did get a new pair of skates, and it’s not euphuism about sex. I really got the wheels. They look nothing like this picture, wish they did, that would be something and really sexy. And I would totally wear them.

However, I’m excited about rolling along the strand on my quad wheels. I’ve have roller blades, I know blades are probably cooler, but they never gave me the joy my skates gave me as a preteen and now I have a more fabulous place to roll (along the ocean) and I will not attempt to play the violin at the same time. Actually,  I’m more of a percussionist. Look back at what gave your joy in your childhood– its worth a re visit.

Laura

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Calling All Soles: Shoe-Shaped Church

January 17, 2016 By 2 Comments

Yes, you read that correctly, Taiwan has built a giant, shiny, shoe-shaped church. The 55-foot (Ha! I wrote foot, snicker) tall structure looks like Cinderella’s slipper on steroids. The Southwest Coast National Scenic Area constructed the church in an effort to attract female worshippers and tourists to the site. Which I believe it will, heaven knows I wanna visit the shoe mecca.  I wonder what they would erect (snicker again) to attract male worshipers? Insert many risqué ideas here. I’ll go with brasserie.

Surprisingly, neither Las Vegas nor Disney was in on the planning. Apparently the shoe design was inspired by a local girl’s sad story. In the 1960s, a young bride to be lost both of her legs to Blackfoot disease, leading to the cancellation of her wedding. She remained unmarried and spent the rest of her life at a church. The high heel is intended to honor her memory. Oh yeah and bring boatloads of tourists.

The building is set to open on the Chinese New Year, February 8th. It’s the year of the sheep by the way, which biblically seems fitting…the shoe is my Shepard…. The church will not be used for regular services but instead for weddings.

I’m not sure how I feel about mixing worship with a pump, but somewhere in church I learned that is not the outward appearance that counts, but the character of what happens inside that matters. So I’m no one the judge what is in the hearts of the worshipers in the shoe church. And those who pray in glass churches really should not throw stones/shoes.  Besides Calvary Chapel has made a very good go of repurposing all the old Safeway grocery stores in California. I have even attended services there a few times. If good people gather – the building really doesn’t matter.

I wonder if Imelda Marcos will be the patron saint? Or will Dr. Scholl deliver all the uplifting sermons? It will be a church dedicated to saving your sole and all heels are welcome. Your sole’s salvation lies within…

Laura

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It Never Rains in Southern California

January 10, 2016 By 1 Comment

This iconic song by … I bet you don’t know. I know I didn’t. I’ve heard this song 1000’s of times and would of in a millions years never guessed… Drumroll…Albert Hammond. He is a British singer songwriter. So compared to UK weather, it must feel like it never rains in sunny SoCal.

Well it rained this week, didn’t it my Cali friends. And thank you to the friends who sent me this picture of high-heeled swim fins. I love shoes and I love funny, a perfect combo, thank you.

Because I have spent a quality amount of time in places with “real” weather, I can tell you it really doesn’t rain in Southern California. Which is a whole other issue.

But until you have experienced rain that breaks your umbrella- yes broken, rain that pelts your body so hard, side ways, you think it will bruise you and have been completely soaked in less than 3 seconds, WITH an umbrella, Oh and its freezing, no actually freezing under 32F, not what Californians think is freezing which is anything under 60F, you have never really experienced rain. That was one very long run on sentence. Sorry to all the English teachers.

Californians are weather pussies. And I totally include myself in this group. I’m a native, I love SoCal, it is my home.  We/ I like it sunny, but not too hot, a nice breeze off the ocean is perfect, but not wind. We/I like our sky blue and our clouds white, not grey. We/I have a temperature tolerance of about 9 degrees (Fahrenheit) So about 68F to 77F degrees is how we/I like to roll. Everything else is unacceptable!  We/I don’t know what to do when our narrow weather parameters are altered. We can’t drive. We really don’t know how to drive in weather, as a group, it is frightening.  We can’t work—not with all this rain. It’s depressing. We can’t go out – its too cold. Basically we break down. And all the local news can do is focus on “Storm Watch”—like some great catastrophe took place. It rained 2 inches this week. Lets get a bit of perspective.

Here’s some perspective. A few years back I was doing the Avon Breast Cancer Walk in Boston. Over the course of 2 days 100s of people walked 40 miles to raise money and awareness for breast cancer. It’s Boston, its May I show up 5am for the walk, which today will be 26 miles. It’s raining, the kind of rain I mentioned above. I’m from SoCal, I don’t do rain. I’m trying to have a good attitude, its charity, but again I’m soaked already and cold. I might have been a bit too whiny because this 70ish year old women who I could tell from her appearance was recently or currently in treatment for cancer, turned and looked at me and then utter these words which I have replayed in my mind many a time when I feel I need checking.

“Really its just rain, stop being such a pussy.”

I was just shut down and given my walking papers by an older lady with cancer who also was doing this walk. I will never forget her.  So I put a smile on my face, knowing that blisters heal and walked those 26 miles in horrible rain with a grateful heart that I don’t have cancer.

Get really SoCal El Nino is coming. Find your umbrellas, Maybe leave some extra times to drive safely, get those tires checked—Hell its rain- stay home and hide, that’s the safest way and invite me over for hot cocoa.

Bonus trivia, Benjamin Franklin invented swim fins, bet you would not have guessed that one either.

Laura

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Silly Little Things

January 3, 2016 By 2 Comments

“It’s ALL about the shoes”

“Two words for anyone who doesn’t think shoes are important. Cinderella & Dorothy”

Pretty much every one in my circle of friends to causal acquaintances knows I fancy me some pretty shoes. I try not to bore people in conversation about shoes—but some of the kicks I’m sporting often spur a few sentences of chatter. Think of them as an icebreaker in making small talk. Hell the boots I wore for NYE this year got periscoped by no less than 4 people.  Truth be told these boots were worthy of the publicity. Anyhow, it is not uncommon for friends to generously gift me with shoe themed knickknacks. Which I adore—of course.

Friends have given me small wall plaques with the above sayings. I have been given a shoe wine caddy and a few pretty Christmas ornaments of fancy shoes. But this year- the funniest prize goes to my cute little shoe coasters.  So adorable and frankly useful. Coasters always seemed like a silly gift, like a paperweight. But now that I have snappy leopard pump points—I’m not really sure how I lived without them. So much more fun and stylish than a cardboard beer mat, now even my glass is sporting CFMs. God Bless silly little things that make us smile. Happy 2016. May you find oodles of joy in the silly little things.

Laura

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